Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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