i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we made out on top of his cat.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
