oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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