I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
