sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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