It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
