Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
