Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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