the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
