We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
