I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
