is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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