Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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