I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
