We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
