Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
