so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
