I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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