i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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