so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
