That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
