this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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