Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
