Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
