Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The adults are the big ones right?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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