it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
