Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
