there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
