Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
how does that bad decision feel?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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