Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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