My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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