DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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