Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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