i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
