You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
