I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
