watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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