Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
