So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
