Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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