WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
