we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
