I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
