I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
