he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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