you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
