$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize