apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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