what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
