How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
