everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He better not be in your backpack
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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