There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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