1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
