Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
