my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
