That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
