i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
