Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
