I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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